now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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