Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
