he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am available for nakedness
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
