she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
