is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
