Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
