As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize