i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
