About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In other news, I just burned my penis
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
