Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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