Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
