The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize