I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
