My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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