Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so let's talk penis.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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