Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
