I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
being pregnant is like rehab
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
