Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
