Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
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