I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
