i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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