I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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