I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
