i don't like sucking hair
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
