my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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