Kiss
Puke
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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