I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
