I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
