i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
