After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
