i permit you to call me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
