Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Randomize
