Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
