she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
