12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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