Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
