I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
