Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
