That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
