I think my vagina is haunted
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
