cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
