well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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