I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
