dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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