i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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