omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
