it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
