dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
