Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sarcasm needs its own font
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
