Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
