So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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