So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
