so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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