I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was born a porn star she said
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize