one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
