Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
