That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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