I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
