My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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