I heard we made out
we have officially lost it.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
