Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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