well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
