party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize