I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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