mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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