Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is my gift to your gina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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