I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
