She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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