His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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