She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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