Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
