I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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