Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You made out with two different species that night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
