my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
