weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
