if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
