Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
