So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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