did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
