I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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